


Thinking About You

by samstevebucky



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:57:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3850108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samstevebucky/pseuds/samstevebucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam really tries his best not to think about Zayn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinking About You

**Author's Note:**

> This is a lot of word vomit to be entirely honest.

Liam tries not to think about it. He tries not to think about the way Zayn looks and how that makes him feel. The way he looks, nothing, like he did back then when they were new and young and in love with their lives. How he feels, still warm but altogether not close enough. He tries to pretend like everything is okay. He has his four boys and they’re on their biggest tour yet, everything is going to be great. Liam tries not to overthink the way Zayn cuddles all the boys and how when Zayn cuddles him it doesn’t feel like it used to, how Zayn sings to the crowd instead of to him, how the way he smiles at her is soft and warm and like there’s a joke Liam is not allowed to ask about. Because everything is perfectly okay. They’re best friends, they’ll get through this. They always have before. But this time, this time feels more permanent. 

 

Because Zayn is engaged and young and in love with a girl. It’s different. Because Liam has seen Zayn in love. In love with his life, with his family, with art, with his boys and maybe a different kind of love with Liam but he’s never seen him in love with something that Liam can’t be apart of. Liam tries not to think about how selfish that sounds. He tries not to think about all those times when he’d seek Zayn out with his eyes only to find him already staring at him. How Zayn always seemed to be closer than all the boys. How it used to feel when all Zayn’s love felt directed at him. How he knows that all that love is now directed at her. He tries not to think about how beautiful they are. Because truly they are gorgeous together, soft and beautiful and happy. He tries not to think about how she just fits with Zayn. And he really tries not to think bitterly about how _he_ would have fit even better. 

 

He tries not to think about Zayn hiding behind closed doors more and more often. About how he has a new best mate. About how he seems to be pulling away from Liam and from the boys. About how Liam just can’t catch up. How scary it feels to think that maybe all they had, him and Zayn may be over. This thing, this unnamed and looming thing that Liam doesn’t feel he has the right to name and think about anymore because Zayn isn’t his. Because he knows he’s being unfair and that he needs to let Zayn be happy. He tries not to think about all of it because it’s hard and frustrating and Liam is so damn mad at himself for not figuring things out sooner, for somehow expecting Zayn to wait for him. 

 

He tries not to think about Zayn leaving. He tries not to think about how he could have fixed this, more importantly he wonders when everything broke. He wonders when Liam stopped being Zayn’s favourite. When did he realize this wasn’t for him. What was the last straw. He tries not to think about his future with the other boys. He tries not to think about his future without Zayn right next to him. He tries not think about it. The way things need to move on and be okay because they will be okay. He tries not to think about Louis’ shaky voice and Harry’s quiet anger, only showing in his clenched fists and the way Niall keeps rubbing at his eyes. He tries not to think about the way Zayn sounded on the phone when he begged them not to hate him. The relief in his voice when each boy told him they still loved him, they always would. 

 

He tries not to think about how Zayn is too far away to watch and cuddle and sing to. He tries not to think about how angry he is at Zayn, at himself, at the world. He tries really hard not to think about how in love with Zayn he is. He tries his best. He keeps hoping that one day he won’t have to try so hard. But for now, he tries, tries not to think about Zayn.

**Author's Note:**

> So this isn't much of a fic but I'm very new to all this writing business and I wanted to maybe practice a bit so that I could hopefully feel comfortable enough one day to write and publish proper fics.


End file.
